Crest of the Feline Conduct Tribunal: a cat's face on a shield, over the motto Felis semper rea THE FELINE
CONDUCT TRIBUNAL GAZETTETribunal opens its doors; the cats of Britain are advised to retain counsel
FORM F3L/1 · THE CROWN v. THE CAT

Is My Cat Evil?

For centuries, the cats of Britain have knocked things off tables, sat on important paperwork and stared at empty corners of the room. Nobody has ever been held to account. Until now. The Feline Conduct Tribunal will examine the evidence, weigh the stare, and rule on how evil your cat really is.

The Tribunal will weigh the evidence and rule on how evil your cat really is.

For centuries, the cats of Britain have knocked things off tables, sat on important paperwork and stared at empty corners of the room. Nobody has ever been held to account. Until now.

Your cat does not have to say anything. It never has. It may, however, harm its defence if it knocks the evidence off the table.

The Tribunal does not keep your photograph unless you choose to share the verdict. It has quite enough exhibits already.

NEW INTELLIGENCE The Tribunal is mapping the nation’s cats by postcode. Find out how evil your street is. See the Hotbeds of Feline Malice →

The Official Scale

Every cat in Britain falls somewhere on this scale. The Tribunal’s position is that most of them are further along it than they look.